summer vaca

home is amazing so far!

im so happy here. happy happy happy! i didn't realize how actually unhappy ive been the past months until recently ahah. its weird. i was like stuck in a vortex ahahha. or hypnotized or something.

we're going to confederation park tomorrow. i'm pretty excited to soak up the sun all day long.

and probably catch some sort of disease ahhahaha... or die froma chlorine overload.

i haven't been to a water park in a long time. i actually don't even know how to swim, but i like to wade in the water. me and the lazy river are basically best friends.

i gotta start getting my shit in order.

i need to call oakville tomorrow and figure out a time to go talk to them, then start shopping around for cars which i'm pretty excited about. but its gunna be broke city for a little while. i guess i dealt with it for a year and a half, i can stick it out for a little longer haha.

some pictures from the st. alvia show on wednesday night.

definetly a good time! hopefully many more good nights this summer. i feel like its just started, even though its half over.

okay okay enough of this. i'm going to watch a movie.

<3

woweeee

i'm suprisingly actually getting sad that i'm leaving.

my apartment is all packed up, i'm about to go for my last night's sleep. and its a little depressing.

i guess just more the fact i'm leaving my family that i've had for the last year and a half. i fucking love them more than i can ever explain. something about basically living with a ton of people that are all so different, and we all have the most fun ever together.

the hardest part is going to be not seeing julia everyday. fuck.

but i guess thats how it was when i moved away from all my friends in burlington. now i get to see them all again more and more and more!

haha. on a brighter note, i got new tail combs today! i don't think anyone who actually lurks this shit will understand my excitement. but its pretty fucking exciting haha!

poacher tomorrow night for anyone in burlington who reads this!!!!

<3333333333333333333333333

perfection.

i cannot believe it took me this long to realize that i'm so much happier and so much better of with things this way.

its been so long since i've been able to say i'm genuinely happy, and i am. i really am.

and things are only gunna get better from here :)

i had a great conversation with nicole today. it made me realize how so many good things come from the bad ones. and that i should be thankful for every step my life has taken, cause without them i wouldn't be exactly where i am right now...and i can't picture wanting to be anywhere else.

i'm excited for life for the first time in years. i'm excited to get up every day and do my job and talk to all my friends and see everyone i love and not have to worry. i don't have to give myself to anyone else right now. which at first was a little weird, but fuck. this is my time. i'm sure i've said all these exact same things a couple entries ago, but i don't give a shit ahah.

my family is having a big dinner tonight. i of course ate out earlier cause no one told me about it haha but whatever. i got to see aunts and uncles i havent seen for ages. i even got a super late belated birthday present! not even knowingly they got me a bath set from sephora, and it comes with a little travel bag with cupcakes on the inside! i was stoked.

anyways, time for more coffee. of course! haah.

<3

would you go along with someone like me

Aries: Your romantic life is about to take an interesting turn. Things are going to get shaken up - get ready!

facebook horoscopes make me excited about life ahahhahaha.

theyve been pretty bang on lately though, so i'm stoked.

they officially know my order at my starbucks. julia went in yesterday and ordered the same thing as me and they were all so astonished. i'm apprently the only person at that location who has ever ordered my drink. they even named it. "naked white mocha". ahahha thats what they call out now.

its gunna suck having to train new starbucks bitches ahhaha.

one more week of this hellhole and i'll be entirely worry free!

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

that's all i have to say.

i love myself :)

i need something to do while i let my nails dry and don't touch anything.

i got a manicure today, and in between that and getting coffee i changed my pants in my car to my new pair of extremely tight (and incredibley hot) bermuda shorts...and totally ruined everything! well, ruined my nails at least. but i basically fixed them, so its okay.

i'm glad i've found myself at home right now, and bored, because procrastination has gotten in the way of my date with my resume. i've been meaning to update it for WEEKS now and keep putting it off. that, and packing. but anyways, i have to email it in to chelsea tomorrow so she can forward it to oakville. hopefully they want me :)

if not i'm totally going to work with julia. i'm gunna go crazy without seeing her everyday. :(

this weekend was great. saturday night was awesome. well everything about it except the fact i was fed a poison cookie! but i did survive the attack of the raisins until next time.

yesterday was good too. saw 1408 and got dinner. good movie. john cusak is getting a little too beefy lately...he needs to hit the gym before my love dies. then got coffee and watched children of men. actually i bought it cause i couldn't find it in the rental section ahah! but it was a good movie so i don't mind.

today i went shopping and spend tooooooo much money! i need to start work so bad. my visa is somehow gunna get maxed out again...which isn't hard to believe ahah but would be terrible.

anyways, nails are dry and i need to go try and get some time in on my resume before i probably go drink more caffine!!

xoxox

ch-ch-ch-chaaaangesss

im gunna be completely honest in this post. not hold back, not worry about whom i'm exposing or not. or if anyone really finds out how i really feel.

this past month has been the most fucked up in a long time. its been up and down, my emotions have been all over the court. going over options, what do i really want? who do i really want?

i've figured out i don't want anyone. for the time being, at least. when you give all of yourself to someone, and constantly have it thrown back in your face for something "better", it kind of takes a toll. especially when better doesn't turn out that way at all.

i had a friend tell me not long ago that i have no self respect. as hard as that was to hear, and as harsh as it seems, sometimes brutal honesty is what you need to hear. continuously putting myself into a situation where i already know what the outcome is going to be, is a fucking dumb idea. and i did it countless times.

i'm almost happy by myself.

i'm moving on, and moving up. and i, for the first time in a long time, don't feel like i NEED anyone there with me. to help me through it, to hold my hand. im okay by myself.

as much as i thought that i needed support and just wanted that cushion to fall into, sometimes hitting the ground isnt that bad. and really wakes you up. i don't want things in my life that are going to make me unhappy, or impede its progression. so from now on only positive things and people are allowed in my life. if its going to make me feel like shit, for one second, its not worth it.

and it feels so good to realize and enforce this.

it feels amazing.

this week is full of packing and organizing.

these next couple weeks are going to be insane in regards to me-time.

i'm by myself in a two bedroom apartment, with almost no furniture. no one to talk to.

i can't wait to see how i feel at the end of it ahah.

come over and keep me company if i like you.

xoxoxox

i cannot wait to be back home.

i decided i'm gunna move back the second last weekend in july. fuck my life is so in limbo right now...and i have so much to do in the next three weeks. but at the same time im so stoked that everything is moving on.

this weekend has been pretty crazy. it reminded me how much fun i can have when i'm not worried about other things all the time.

thats all for now. i need coffee.

oh, and ps, because i know you read this...we all know you're still in love with him. get a life. xooooooo!!!